Well, a good kind of different, of course. [He seeks to clarify.]
......
[Her question causes him to pull his hand back, withdrawing subconsciously. Akihiko has been thinking about solstice ever since they were told what might happen to them. As usual, he puts up a strong front and acts like nothing is bothering him, when inside, he’s actually been curling with unease and uncertainty. It’s much easier for him to comfort and help others, so that he doesn’t have to think about his own problems. Being wanted and needed gives him a sense of fulfillment, contentment. It isn’t the exact kind of happiness that he has defined for himself, his secret vision of his own future, but he thinks it’s the closest he can get.
A long time passes before he finally answers.]
Yes. [His deep voice is cool and detached, a reflection of the demeanor that he’s used to assuming, for the sake of being selfless.] I’m not ready to die yet. It’s not that I’m afraid of dying. [Because he doesn’t see his own life in that way.] But there are still things that I want to do, before the end comes.
[Akihiko shakes his head.] Honestly, it doesn’t matter. As long as everyone else remains happy and safe, I can make peace with my death. I won’t lie down and accept it without a fight, but after what happened with Shinji… [His hand curls into a tight fist.] …It just made the possibility more realistic. We’ve all been risking our lives up to this point. It has to end, someday. Come solstice, that might be the time. [He frowns, shooting a glare over the vast lake surface. If Shinji is going to die again, that would piss him off, big time.]
no subject
......
[Her question causes him to pull his hand back, withdrawing subconsciously. Akihiko has been thinking about solstice ever since they were told what might happen to them. As usual, he puts up a strong front and acts like nothing is bothering him, when inside, he’s actually been curling with unease and uncertainty. It’s much easier for him to comfort and help others, so that he doesn’t have to think about his own problems. Being wanted and needed gives him a sense of fulfillment, contentment. It isn’t the exact kind of happiness that he has defined for himself, his secret vision of his own future, but he thinks it’s the closest he can get.
A long time passes before he finally answers.]
Yes. [His deep voice is cool and detached, a reflection of the demeanor that he’s used to assuming, for the sake of being selfless.] I’m not ready to die yet. It’s not that I’m afraid of dying. [Because he doesn’t see his own life in that way.] But there are still things that I want to do, before the end comes.
[Akihiko shakes his head.] Honestly, it doesn’t matter. As long as everyone else remains happy and safe, I can make peace with my death. I won’t lie down and accept it without a fight, but after what happened with Shinji… [His hand curls into a tight fist.] …It just made the possibility more realistic. We’ve all been risking our lives up to this point. It has to end, someday. Come solstice, that might be the time. [He frowns, shooting a glare over the vast lake surface. If Shinji is going to die again, that would piss him off, big time.]